Find the Endless Love - Falling in Love with Existence

Having reached the conclusion that our inner conflicts really must be addressed, let’s now examine how this may be done. The aim here is to come to terms with those feelings that have a tendency to be repressed into the background of the mind. The reason why they are repressed is because they are damaging to our self-esteem, making us feel that we are somehow bad or unlovable. Unless these feelings are acknowledged, accepted and understood, they will undoubtedly continue to exert a powerful negative influence in our life. By taking the time to carry out a careful examination of your past experience, your present circumstances and your future prospects, you should be able to identify any possible areas of repression. If you uncover memories or situations that you find too painful to even consider during this process, then this clearly confirms that repression is taking place. These difficult areas will be found if we fully examine all aspects of our life, looking for examples of rejection, failure and guilt. And, as stated earlier, this process should really be combined with the heartfelt search for greater understanding, and the attitude of forgiveness that this encourages.

Early rejection is clearly the most damaging because it completely shapes the personality and conduct of the victim, preventing the normal healthy development of the child, and affecting every relationship that is formed thereafter. Although early rejection in the family home causes the greatest harm, rejection by your peers can also be very traumatic. This form of abuse, whether physical or mental, usually happens because the child is different in some way, often causing the kind of emotional injury which never heals completely. No matter what success follows, these memories usually maintain an unhealthy grip on the mind and behaviour of the suffering adult. It is hardly surprising, therefore, that such people are often overcome by deep feelings of failure. They look at their job or career, their personal life, their relationships with other people, especially their partner and children, and may feel a great sense of disappointment, perhaps even wondering if it was worth all the effort. Feelings like these are clearly very painful and threatening, a fact which explains why we usually refuse to acknowledge them. In order to overcome these destructive feelings, however, we must be willing to face them. This can best be achieved if we are able to develop a different perspective on our life, one that values understanding and forgiveness above all else. As victims of early rejection in the home are the most likely to carry a heavy burden of guilt, they are the ones who could benefit most from this new perspective. From a very early age, they will love their parents one minute and hate them the next, depending on whether they are being treated well or badly. Unless understood, their repressed anger is likely to cause them problems throughout their lives, making it very difficult for them to develop the kind of loving relations with others that they clearly yearn for. Their unreasonable and selfish behaviour will only add to their sense of guilt, creating a vicious cycle from which it is almost impossible to escape. The sad result is a person who behaves far too impulsively for their own good, doing and saying things that they often later regret. Whenever we feel guilty, we judge ourselves harshly, rejecting ourselves for what we regard as a serious personal failure. This suggests that injured pride is the principal element in guilt, clearly indicating that these feelings can actually be quite selfish. As understanding and forgiveness are the best antidotes to pride, they are the qualities most likely to secure a permanent escape from such painful torment. Rather than feel guilty about some misdemeanour, it would be much more practical to think about your actions in a more impartial way, learning the lessons that will prevent a recurrence, and making amends in whatever manner you thought appropriate.

While acknowledging that you may have behaved very badly, these changes in attitude and character mean that forgiveness is fully justified because the crimes were committed by an earlier and more primitive version of yourself.We also need to recognise that being a success in this world is largely out of our control. If things don’t go your way, you may have little chance of advancing in the way that you would wish. While understanding the injustice inherent in this situation, we need to reject the superficial standards of this world, replacing them with something higher. Success needs to be radically redefined, acquired only by progress made in the development of the best human qualities. Anyone who earnestly embraces this exciting new direction, the direction of understanding and forgiveness, will be able to accept ownership of their past failings, seeing them as essential contributors to their own personal growth. Perhaps for the first time, they will feel really good about themselves, a development which should gather pace as their transformation matures. Fully reconciled with themselves, they will now be able to look back on their past experience in a much more detached way, as if these events happened to someone else.

Any feelings of failure, guilt or rejection are now seen in a very different fashion because the pain, once so devastating, is no longer a reality. By taking away the pain, of course, the anger is also removed, since these two great terrors completely depend on each other for their existence. These are the great gifts of understanding and forgiveness. This analysis clearly confirms that we all need love in our life if we are to be happy, but not the love of others. What really matters is that we love ourselves. We need to feel good about ourselves: liking, respecting and understanding ourselves. Only by being gentle and forgiving with ourselves, can we truly reach out to others. The best partners and the best parents are those people who have established this crucial foundation in their life. They retain a certain emotional independence, allowing them to behave in a very caring and consistent way, even when troubles abound. Although feeling good about yourself is not an absolute guarantee of personal happiness, it is the best foundation that you could possibly have, and it provides an excellent platform for this wonderful journey of discovery that awaits each one of us.And, when you finally fall in love with life itself, you will have all the love, joy, hope, gratitude and understanding that you’re capable of containing. All those wonderful qualities already exist within you. That’s why falling in love feels so good: it allows you unexpected access to all those amazing feelings. The absence of any real understanding, however, will always ensure that this treasured access is only temporary in nature. Falling in love with existence, therefore, is far more magnificent. When that happens, your whole life will become one massive celebration. Surely, this is the possibility that every human being should be pursuing. After all, success can certainly be attained.